By: Gary Marcella
I sit here and write this post in the wee hours of the morning, just waiting for the first sign that “The Gremlins” are up and about. Gremlins you ask? What ever do you mean? Well, to understand this – you must have prior knowledge of two phenomenons.
First, Gremlins themselves – If you are unfamiliar with the 80’s pop culture icons named Gizmo and Stripe, I want you to, and this is very important, climb back under the rock you have been living under for the past 25 years – this post is not for you. In fact, how did you even find my blog? Your transistor radio couldn’t have possibly have picked up an internet feed, while you listen to your 8 tracks in the background… For those of you too young to understand ANYTHING I just referenced, see the movie immediately – you’re not gonna find Gremlins in the Red Box, look for it on TNT, it’s always on, put it in your Netflix que, or hit up HULU…I digress… For those of you who remember this classic, having a Gizmo stuffed animal possibly even in your possession to this very day, it’s important to know that I truly believe the writers had just given birth to twins and came up with this brilliant movie concept at 4 am when they couldn’t sleep, nay – wanted to sleep, but were not ALLOWED to! Does anyone remember the rules? YES – the 3 simple rules in which you MUST follow in order to keep Gizmo in check, these rules of which are impossible to follow:
Rule #1 – Never Expose to Bright Lights
Rule #2 – NEVER Feed After Midnight
Rule #3 – Never Get Wet
Simple, right? IMPOSSIBLE I say. Now in proper blog fashion, lets introduce our second phenomenon you must know – The Marcella Boys – Grady and Logan. You are probably saying to yourself now “Gary, it’s not right, comparing your sons to Gremlins” to that I respond to you “Stop by my house at 3 am and tell me I’m wrong”. I’ll probably punch you then have a mental breakdown, hug you then pass out on the floor if you do stop by. I’ll claim its sleep deprivation, but in all honesty, I just proved it’s premeditated. I want to rewind for a minute back to let’s say June 21, 2011 – the boys hadn’t been born yet – Laura and I were mostly sleeping well, eating hot meals, and most importantly watching a movie this very evening. 11:30 pm rolls around and like clockwork, the boys start kicking and fussing in Laura’s womb. We think it’s cute, the boys are excited and we feel them and can’t wait to meet them. Fast forward to today… oh, shoot – I think one of them is stirring right now… false alarm… anyway, with the things I know now – Gremlins is a perfect example of just why these boys started to stir around midnight and doesn’t end till 4 am. Let’s see where it all goes wrong:
Rule #1 – Never expose to bright lights – BROKEN – let’s say they boys “Set you up” by giving a little moan and fuss in their cribs, half awake, half asleep. Dad goes in to check on them – well I can’t see in the dark, can I? Light goes on BAM – I just got Gremlined (thats right, I made up a new word)… Both boys are now wide awake and start to give you the “Gremlin Eyes” – picture Grady over there for example – it’s 1 am and you see him staring at you from the crib, not crying anymore – eyes WIDE open, giving you the sign he wants food (mouth wide open, grunting, breathing heavy, tongue out waving his head from side to side – this actually happens). At this point you have no choice to feed him right…
Rule #2 – Never feed after midnight – BROKEN – well, now I’m stuck – I can’t just put him back, “UNDO” the light flick, it needs to happen. Grady will stare at you – penetrate deep into your heart, with this patented gremlin look, you are weak and hopeless. So I go to the kitchen and get his bottle ready, knowing I’ve already lost. It never fails, no matter how much formula I put in the bottle – in his ravenous state it’s NEVER enough (seriously, look at the bottle in the background of the picture, almost empty and Grady is STILL giving me the gremlin eyes!). You may say – “Eh, feeding a baby at night, everyone who’s had a kid has to do it…” – Then Logan pipes up – Damn – Gremlined again! I can’t feed this kids fast enough – and neither wants to wait. One starts to get sleepy, I put him down for a second to get the other one going, and as if like clockwork – as soon as he hits the crib – BAM – Gremlined again!
Rule #3 – Never get them wet – this one in itself is impossible to avoid. You could opt not to give them a bath, but really, we are the ones who lose in this scenario, besides – they just wet themselves anyway. The worst is when they lull us into a false sense of security. Example – Laura and I think it would be nice to give them a nice, relaxing bath right before bed to calm them down – BROKEN! Sure they are fresh and clean, but wide awake and looking at you- GREMLINED!
All in all – I love my boys and am so happy to have them in my life, so to be honest this post is all in jest for entertainment purposes really. But you have to admit – thinking back about the movie now – doesn’t it just seem right? I must end this post now – I’m being Gremlined as we speak, I’m gonna start with the bright light…